Driving in Korea

I didn't write this. I ripped it off a friend's blog. I'm not sure where she got it. The sad part is that it is not a joke!! They really do drive like this and it is absolutely maddening and scary at times.

Street Survival in Seoul or Becoming a Road Scholar by Curtis Desjardins

For our world-traveling friends, I'd like to write this helpful Public Service Announcement in travel safety:
After living in Korea for the past two years, I've noticed a marked difference in the driving habits of rural and urban drivers, where urban is defined as :in Seoul or Pusan". We unmanly girly drivers of the Western world could probably handle the lackadaisical rural driving, but to truly excel in in urban Korea you must "be in the Zone"; a survival state-of-mind if I ever saw one. And why not? Korea only has the largest number of auto fatalities per capita in the world, so you'd better be in a survival state-of-mind. With that in mind, I've culled the following driving tips into this one, short, easy to read compendium of driving survival on the streets of Seoul.

Tips for the Motorcycle/Scooter Driver:

- It is important to wear protective clothing. T-shirts, shorts and open-toed sandals are considered appropriate.

- Ride against traffic whenever possible.

If you are not riding in the street, ride on the sidewalks like you darn well own them (pedestrians must make way for YOU; you have the "I'm a motorized vehicle and you're not" rule of right-of-way on your side.

- When leaving the sidewalk to ride on the streets (against traffic), make sure your rocket out from between two parked cars.

- If there are no parked cars in your vicinity, it is perfectly acceptable to run pedestrians down at the nearest crosswalk.

- Overload the back of your scooter with a heavy, unwieldy package
- and ride one-handed
- while carrying a huge box of take-out food in the other hand
- with your two-year-old daughter standing in front of you, holding onto the speedometer for balance
- and don't give her a helmet.

- During times of heavy traffic (read: at all times) weave in and out of stationary and slow-moving cars. Removal of any pesky side mirrors getting in your way is expected.


Tips for the Average Driver:

- First of all, don't let those scooter drivers get away with any of the cheap tricks outlined above. Your car outweighs them by 20 times, so don't take any of their crap.

- Change lanes at every opportunity. Don't bother with shoulder checks, that's what mirrors are for (blind spot? never heard of it).

- Use mirrors for reversing as well.

- No parking spaces? Bah. Double park

- Still no parking spaces? Bah. Triple park.

- Still no parking spaces? Bah. Run over pedestrians on the sidewalk and park over their cooling carcasses (it's their own fault for getting in your way; after all, you DO have the car).

- U-turn at every given opportunity
- during rush-hour gridlock
- with the widest turn radius you can manage
- use the sidewalks if you have to.

- Keep a callular phone in your left had at all times, supergluing it if necessary.

- Never use your brakes - it shows weakness. Just lay on the horn and accelerate around the problem.

- Those lines on the road? Just very loose guidelines - a "two lane" highway cane easily fit three, even four, abreast).

- Crosswalks? Just pretty road decorations.

- Always pass slower cars on the left, even if doing so will bring you over the yellow divider.

- One way streets are one way for everyone but you.

- Red light, schmed light, just go whenever you darn well feel like it.

- If you become lost (with Korea's lack or roadsigns and street names this is not a possibility, but an eventuality) stop in the middle of the road and gawk around until you decide that: yes, you are, in fact, lost
- ...then flag down another motorist to ask for directions and block the remaining lane
- ...and ignore the honking masses behind you as they shouldn't be in such a hurry anyway. Don't they know "speed kills"?

- Never wear a seatbelt. Windshields will stop you most of the time.